The tumor is too close to his brain ...

Have you ever gotten bad news and someone says, "oh, at least he's alive or didn't lose a limb" or "hey, it didn't spread to his chest so that's good" or "ok, he'll just learn to chew on the other side" or "ok, his eye will be lost but he'll adjust better than humans" or "we'll just start chemo and he'll have 18-24 months to live".

With each passing bit of information - and as you can tell, it got much worse each time - I cried, then took a deep breath, and dug into my research. The phone calls, the emails, the support, the prayers. Yes, please pray for Kerby. His strength. My strength. For God's Will ....

But have you ever heard that "it's too close to his brain" or "we can't get clear margins" or "there could be severe hemorrhaging during surgery". WOW, this is a lot to handle folks!

I hadn't known that last week when I made this decision to go ahead with the surgery (partial maxillectomy + eye removal). I based my decision on what the oncologist told me. He saw the CT scan. He read the reports. He was closest to the information ... or so I thought.

I'll never forget my regular vet told me that it doesn't sound right for the 18-24 months life span. She said I need to know what the possibility is to get clear margins during the surgery? Huh, what does that mean? I wrote that down too. I have sticky notes everywhere!

So that's when I left message for the surgeon this morning and got her call at 4pm. She reviewed the CT scan closely. The tumor that is on the other side of the back molar, near his eye & nose is so close to the brain. The plan with tumors is always to remove 1cm around to get a clear margin (at least in this case). She doesn't think this will happen b/c tumor is so close to brain. The 18-24 months is based on clear margins. So what does this mean Dr. Duval? She also informed me that a major complication during this surgery is hemorrhaging. WHAT? And I wasn't told this last week? Is the left hand talkin' to the right hand here or what the ...?

So, Dr. Duval (surgeon) will be speaking with Dr. Hamilton (oncologist) tomorrow to see if THIS FREAKIN NEWS changes Kerby's life span. If so, I may be changing my mind about the May 2nd surgery. I don't know if oncologists don't normally get into such "minutia" about where the tumor is located before spewing out life spans? I don't know if he reviewed the CT scan with the surgeon? I don't know why this information was not shared with me earlier. Then again, I have a day to decide don't I? I have time. Kerby ... well, I don't know. I think a lot will be said when I get the phone call Tuesday from GVS.

In the meantime, I got home tonight, gave Kerby a treat. He then, as always, swooped up his toy. As I gave him hugs, I noticed his white toy had blood all over it. HOLY MOLY ... I got dressed fast, put my shoes on, ready for anything. I put my finger in his mouth ... WOW, those tumors are massive! But I did see a little blood. Ok, calm Kerri. Wait a few minutes. Could be b/c the crunchy treat scratched his tumors. That must've been it. The blood stopped. Looks like I'm starting him on "soft treats" from now on, and wetting down his dry food.

What a day ... and in a way, this is all just the beginning. I don't know how much more I can handle.

Getting diagnosed with Osteosarcoma (OSA)

As a single woman, Kerby has been the love of my life for the past 10.5 years, since I adopted him from the Atlanta Humane Society. He's "da Kerbs", "the Man", "MY Man", "my son". His eyes are so expressive, they stare back at you, they speak of his love. His eyes are what drew me to him. His eyes are windows to his beautiful soul.

Kerby has been an incredibly healthy dog ever since I got him. "Strong as an ox" his vet said after his extensive 7 year check up. He literally looks and acts and plays like a 2 year old dog. Who would have thought this .... and so quickly .....

In March, we noticed his breath had a bad odor. I chalked it up to old age, bought the fresheners to add to his water but it wasn't helping.

Friday April 13, 2007
Gave him a dog bone to perhaps help with any tarter that may be in there. Noticed some blood on the carpet. Hmm that's weird.

Saturday April 14
Noticed dark bloody saliva dripping and the stench of what seemed like a dead squirrel coming from his mouth. Took a wipey on my finger, put in his mouth and out came globs of blood. Looked into his mouth and there it was .... a huge growth in the upper back part of his cheek. What the heck???? Scared & crying, I rushed him to the ER vet who looked alarmed, said this needs to come out asap but since we don't have a laser, go to your vet tomorrow and get him checked.

Sunday, April 15
Called the vet asap and got her 1st appt at 12pm. The vet said it doesn't look good. Looks malignant because there's white spots on the growth. Did the chest x-rays and looks like it's not in the lungs - ok that's good so far. But come back tomorrow for the surgery to remove the growth.

Monday, April 16
Woke up, took pictures of him, dropped him off at the vet who operated that morning. "Debulked" the tumor. Got the call at 1pm. She said he did well in surgery but it's worse than what they thought. Found 3 tumors: 2 were 2x4cm and the other was behind his back molar. It's aggressive. Let's do the biopsy to find out essentially what kind of tumor it is (aka, how bad the malignancy is). I hadn't even heard the "C" word yet (cancer). But I researched, and researched, and researched all night for the next 2 days. Cried each time I read. I read it all for what I thought was oral melanoma (self-diagnosing is not a good idea folks) but at least it gave me some basis. None of the scenarios looked good - less than 1 year survival at time of diagnosis for the size of tumor it is/was.

He's my baby ... he's so healthy .... how could I have not known ....

Kerby was still acting totally fine but a little drugged the 1st 2 days after surgery - Rimadyl for pain, Clavimox for anti-biotics and Trimadol for something else, I forgot. But he was still chasing his cat brother around the house, jumping, playing, and yes even eating fine. I think he'll always eat fine :-) I tried to think positively that week. He still looks well, acting normal, giving kisses (most important :-)

Sunday, April 22 at 11am
In an already crazed morning, his vet called me. Biopsy results came in Kerri. Kerby has Osteosarcoma Maxilla. I didn't even know how to spell it - I even asked her how. I wrote down what she said: it's located in the worst spot, way in the upper back of his jaw. It was not noticeable, hence why it took so long to discover. She must've researched before calling me because she told me the average life span is about 6 months. I wrote that down too. Cancer. 6 months. Very rare spot for bone cancer. 6 months? Average? So he could have more than a year ..... She made an appt for me to take Kerby to one of the only oncologists in metro Atlanta at the GA Vet Specialist http://www.gvsvet.com/

I cried all day, I called everyone I knew, and everyone who loved Kerby for the past 10 years. I wanted them to know he's really sick. Ya see, to know me is know Kerby. He is loving, sweet, playful, grouchy at times, loves people MUCH more than other furkids, always has a toy or tennis ball in his mouth, does this crazy funny bark with the ball in his mouth, crawls into corners and growls at the walls (I got him at 2 yrs old - sounds like an early child developmental problem he never worked on :-), he hugs me with bear hugs and naps on my shoulder JUST like a baby, he spoons with me on the couch, sleeps at the foot of the bed .... he's just "The Kerbs". My beautiful son. My heart ached. I was numb. I was in a fog. But I picked myself up the next day and researched once again.

That's when I found there actually IS a website/chat room for owners of bone cancer dogs http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/bonecancerdogs/ Who would have "thunk" it. Boy has it helped me with research, stories upon stories, information, prayers.

Tuesday, April 24
I took Kerby to see Dr. Hamilton, the oncologist at GVS. 3 more xrays showed the cancer did NOT spread to Kerby's chest. YEAH! GREAT NEWS! However, let's run a CT scan to see exactly where to operate ...... WOW, the call came in at 3pm. Kerri, the cancer has invaded Kerby's orbit. Huh? That's the eye cavity. Oh. Kerri, the eye cavity will not be able to hold his eye. What does that mean, doc? Kerri, we will probably have to remove his eye. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Not Kerby's eye!?!?! What? They truly are the windows of his soul. Just as mine are to me. Kerby, they're going to take your EYE out! The onc gave me 2 options: 1. just radiation which he'll lose his eye eventually b/c eyes don't take well to radiation=6 months to live. Or 2. Partial maxillectomy (removal of upper jaw) + his eye, then chemo=18-24 months to live. Wow.

Have you ever had to make a decision for your child that depended on their LIFE? I am 37 years old. Unmarried. Kerby is my child.

I needed help. I needed advice. I needed to HEAR stories, not just read stats. Through emails, I met other pet owners of bone cancer dogs. Chris (Kassa), Penny (Pooba), Erin (Jasmine), Tami (Dancer). I spoke with Christina in San Diego. I got 3 more opinions. I called Colorado State University who provides free advice (970-221-4535). I heard from the oncologist at UGA who read of only FOUR articles with Kerby's exact surgery-to-be (partial max + eye removal). I spoke with Kara who's a vet at UPenn. I then spoke with THE MOST IMPORTANT factor in my decision .... My Kerby.

I was told to let Kerby know what's going on and to have a heart-to-heart chat with him. Ok, I held him in my arms while he sorta slept - but you get the picture. I literally spoke aloud .... Kerby, you have always been a fighter. You've always been healthy. You've always been happy and active. You are strong. Kerby, I think we can do this, together. Whatcha think baby boy? Huh, love of my life? Hey, Kerbs, we'll be okay. Did I tell you I listened to all those pet owners on the website, the other oncologists, my friends ... and they all said to go ahead .... you will be more resilient than a human ... you will learn to chew on the other side of your mouth. You will bump into walls at 1st, but will learn to live, play and run with just one eye. OK MOM, I will be strong.

After my chat with Kerby, I called GVS Wednesday night, the 25th, and made the appt for his surgery. May 2nd.

Sat/Sun April 28-29

The next few days I just stayed with him as much as I can, looking into his eyes - both of them. I bathed him, brushed him. Took him to the park both weekend days, he ran around, loved it. I loved it.

My heart is aching again now that the weekend is coming to a close. Kerby is acting ok. He's wanting to be alone a little more though. I heard that from some other pet owner. Man, he does not even know he's having surgery! He does not appear to be in any pain. Oh, he's still taking Rimadyl 2x a day (25mg each). Maybe that's helping if he is/was in pain? Anyway, we're going to sleep now. Sweet dreams my Kerb, many prayers that God will take care of you!