Doing incredible ...

Tuesday, May 29
It's been 2 weeks since Kerby's 1st chemo treatment and I am amazed at how incredible he is acting. Kerby is as active as ever .... I am even guilty for thinking he's "annoyingly" hyper, but I say that in the most loving way :-) Kerby is non-stop jumping, licking, wants to play, chasing his brother all the time. He's just an all-around happy healthy dog with bone cancer who just had his upper jaw removed!

Kerby is still eating a combo of his dry kibbles, but I wet it down and throw in a scoop of the same brand wet food. I think he can be drinking a little more water, but he's getting better. Oh, and he's gained a few of the pounds back, and is a major poopin' machine. So yeah, he's back to "normal".

We go back on June 6th for his 2nd chemo treatment which will be Adriamycin (doxorubucin). I have read from my bone cancer friends that this chemo will produce more side effects than the Carboplatin, which was his 1st chemo treatment where he had NO effects whatsoever. I can "expect" Kerby to vomit and have dry heaves in the middle of the night. At least this is what others have experienced - so I can at least be prepared, which is all I ask for! I don't like the unknown. I want to know what to expect, if possible.

So, that's the update. Kerby is incredible, happy, healthy on the outside (not sure about the inside). I don't regret any decision I have made to this date. The tumor is out of his mouth and we are currently doing OUR BEST to prevent the cancer from spreading throughout his little body. 5 more chemo treatments to go ......

Oh, and 1 more THANK YOU to all my friends, once again, on the canine bone cancer website. We read about "1st chemo jitters", doubts, sympathies and research. We are there for each other. Thank you everyone for being there with your thoughts, prayers, advice and research information.

All groomed - but losing weight

Friday May 18th
Once Kerby got his stitches removed it was okay to get him groomed and boy did he need it. He was all haphazardly shaven on his leg from the i/v, his side from the morphine patch to his face obviously where they removed his back upper jaw (on his right side). While I am not crazy about how he looks all shaven, he needed it. And it made me realize just HOW MUCH weight he lost! WOW - he's never looked this skeleton. It actually worries me a bit. So this morning, I decided upon myself to put Kerby back on his regular food - at least incorporate it. This is his "hard kibbles" dry food - and I'll mix it with his soft food. He, of course, ate it all! He probably weighs about 15-16 lbs where he's normally 20lbs.

Anyway, I'm at a strange point in my life right now. I am grappling with the notion that I may not even be able to have human kids of my own (i get my own surgery on June 14 to remove fibroid tumors ....). This is sorta surreal. Are my dealings with Kerby going to be my only experience with "children"? Can I even have kids? Will there even be someone willing to want to be the father of my children? If I cannot bear little ones, then at least I know what it's like to love and nurture and care for and pray for and cry for and research for and live for another being. I thank you God for this experience .... You may be telling me something, and I may be learning something. May we all "listen" .....

Chemo starts today

Wednesday, May 16 (2 weeks after surgery)
I took Kerby in to get his stitches removed which was a no-brainer 2 minute procedure. Then we got to see Dr. Hamilton again, the oncologist. His 1st comment to me was, "Boy aren't we glad he didn't have his eye removed?" I was thinking, uh yeah, thanks for scaring me half to death ....

Anyway, looks like we got all the cancer in the immediate area around the tumor in his mouth. There most likely is cancer somewhere ELSE in his body - b/c the time a tumor of his magnitude is found, the likelihood of cancer elsewhere is high. But we know now it's not in his chest. I need to get chest x-rays every 3 months to check this.

So we talked about the 3 types of chemo available for Kerby who is about 18 lbs now.
1. Cisplatin - $406 each treatment (he would need 3). What I don't like about this drug is that Kerby needs to be hooked up for 8 hrs to an i/v and given lots of fluids. This causes increased urination and more importantly kidney damage.
2. Carbolatin - $260 each treatment (he would need 3).
3. Adriamycin (doxorubicin) - $215 each treatment (he would need 3).
The last 2 have similar side effects: vomit, loss of appetite, lethargy, low white blood cells.

The doc suggested the "longest life span" combination of chemo is using both #1 & #3. It's also the most expensive & I really don't like the "kidney and urination" factor. The next choice would be to administer #2 & #3. I am tired of asking "how long will he live" b/c all I ever get are stats and honestly, stats are just that. I have a small dog with cancer in the MOUTH. Most OSA cancer dogs (and hence the stats) are for larger dogs with cancer in the limbs with amputations. Different story ... Not "KERBY'S STORY". I also asked why he wants to give TWO drugs vs. just one agent. He said that #2 and #3 effect the DNA "differently", both in a positive way. I dunno, sounds like 2 agents are better than 1.

I had the choice of "going home to think about it." My 1st thought was, yeah I'll do that and email my bone cancer friends .... but then I remembered how tired I am of making such huge decisions and analyzing way too much. So I left Kerby there this morning .... to get his 1st of 6 chemo treatments. He goes every 3 weeks. Alternating Carboplatin 1 time and then Adriamycin the next time. 6 total chemo shots. I drop him off in the morning, pick him up after work. Sounds easy. ugh.

Well, I got home tonight with Kerby. He looks good. Does seem a little lethargic though but it could be b/c he was in a cage all day at the vet - which he totally hates. Actually he looks really tired so I held him in my arms.

THIS is when it all hit me and I broke down crying. CHEMO? I am giving my dog CHEMO? I've always heard of chemo and thought, dang this is the end of someone's life. Man, I just held Kerby and cried! I cannot BELIEVE I am giving my baby CHEMO. 1 year? 6 months? 2 years? Dancer, Jasmine - how did they do? I am afraid, truly. Somehow I feel this is the beginning of the end. CHEMO! I know in my heart I am doing the right thing for Kerby. He remains a fighter. My fighter. Who knows ... maybe if I were married and had human children, this wouldn't be a huge deal. And to those who think I'm a freak for going thru this and having Kerby go thru this, and spending $5000 to date ... well too bad. I wish all of you the chance to love something, or someONE as much as I love my Kerbs. Till next time .....

O Brother ....

Kerby loves his brother "Monkey". I remember a few years ago when Kerby was sick with an auto immune disease, we got Monkey to keep Kerby company. Now, and still, Monkey is still there for his big brother. When I first brought Kerby home last week, Monkey stayed by his side all the time. He smelled him, the drugs, the illness .... Ya see, Monkey sorta taunts Kerby. He runs away and "makes" Kerby chase him. Monkey knew when the time was right to start up again. The brothers, my 2 sons, are back at it again .... just like before Kerby's surgery. Chasing each other through the house, up the stairs, knocking the computer over. I love watching them. It warms my heart to see Kerby back to normal again.

As for poop .... I don't know why the vets had Kerby on Hills A/D soft food. He didn't poop for over a week. I took it upon myself to buy the soft version of the Eukanuba Kerby always ate. BAM ..... he pooped finally. I feel like SUCH a mom ... but again, just sorta documenting for future pet owners. But it's almost 2 weeks after his surgery, and he's still only pooped that 1 time a few days ago after he ate his normal food. But not since then. Hmmmm? Not sure what to think about that .... I'll ask the doctors when I go on the 16th.

Oh, and Kerby is OFF ALL meds & anti-biotics as of a few days ago.

One week after surgery

Thursday, May 10th
Kerby is my little miracle baby. I mean the boy just had his back upper jaw removed one week ago and he's doing absolutely freakin' FANTASTIC!! There is nothing he is not doing now that he wasn't doing before the surgery ... with the slight exception that he's eating soft food, and he hasn't pooped in a week. He still wears his "martini glass" when I'm not home; he chases his brother cat "Monkey" all around the house, he gives me kisses, jumps up & down when I come home and is still beautiful. I go to work and am out of the house for 12 hours and he is just as fine as always!

Da Kerbs is still on his meds. Twice a day he takes 3 things still: Rimadyl, Clavamox and Trimadol. Not sure how long he needs to be on all those.

Next Wednesday, the 16th, I take Kerby to get the stitches that are on the outside of his jaw taken out. I meet his surgeon, Dr. Julie Duval, for the 1st time, and we also sit down with the oncologist, Dr. Terrance Hamilton to discuss next steps.

I'm a little confused though about the results of the biospsy from his surgery. Dr. Duval told me that she "took a lot around the tumor; more than what was submitted for test results. There was 1 margin that was very close to a dirty margin." Yes, I wrote it down, but was just too tired to think of asking what that means. Does that mean they got all the cancer out??? Do we do radiation to get the rest of cancer out?? Or do we just do chemo to prevent the cancer from spreading?? Not sure. One day at a time. Don't want to overload my brain too soon :-)

Next week is when I start hearing the different kinds of chemo used in dogs. If you are a dog owner and have had experience with doggie chemo, please chime in here to let me (and others) know about the pros/cons of the different types of chemo. Thank you.

I also want to take this time to sincerely THANK my new friends on the "bone cancer for dogs" website. You are a unique "breed" (no pun) who just have so much information to share and have really helped me in a time when I feel so alone to be making such impactful decisions about the love of my life. Thank you my friends! Thank you for being there for me & Kerby!

Kerby's Home!

Saturday, May 5
Kerby's come home to recover! YEAH! He did as expected immediately after surgery, according to the surgeon, other doctors and vet techs.

I was given the post-op instructions and as for the procedure, it is quoted as "Caudal maxillectomy, rostral orbitectomy". I tried to Google it, but was presented with too many bloody pictures - so I'm still not sure what that all means. Probably something about his upper back jaw and something with his eye.

I need to keep him rested, quiet, no toys in his mouth, no hard food, no stairs, no hardwood floors to prevent slipping & falling, no rough play (sorry Daddy :-). It is normal to see him "depressed", have nose bleeds, blood from mouth, vomit (although he has not vomited!)

From what I see, Kerby's doing pretty good - I suppose. We got home Saturday afternoon. He needs to wear that "cone" to prevent from scratching his eye and stitches. My brother calls it, "Kerby's Martini glass". lol. When I notice he's attempting to scratch his eye, or whine/whimper or breathe heavily, I think it means he's in pain. That's when I give him a dose of painkillers.

The medications he's on are:

1. Fentenyl patch on his body. Essentially morphine. Stuck on like a nicotine patch on the side of his belly. Surgery was May 2. I will remove it May 7th.
2. Tramadol (50mg). For pain. I give 1/2 pill as needed for pain. So far, looks like he needs it every 6-9 hours.
3. Rimadyl (25mg). For pain. I give 2x/day in his food.
4. Clavamox. Antibiotics. 2x/day with food.

I thought, before the surgery, I could just wet down his dry kibbles but that will still be too tough for Kerby. I've been given the Hill's A/D mushy canned food. Kerby will eat anything! His appetite sure hasn't waned. He's also drinking water pretty well.

When I'm home with him, and I can literally watch his every move and be within arms length of him, I leave his "martini glass" off his head. His eye is looking great. It's not drooping and the huge red swelling is almost gone. The front part of his nose though, it looking a little more red/bloody. His nose bleeds every once in a while but it's very faint and light/pale red. This is normal.

Anyway, that's the update after his 1st day at home. I have no idea how things will pan out when I need to go back to work. It may remind me of those parents who drop their kids off at the 1st day of kindergarten .... not wanting to let go, afraid of what's going to happen, feeling like you're abandoning your baby ..... I'm sure it'll be fine .... both Kerby and me.

Pictures after Day 1 (not for the faint at heart!)

Kerby is in the ICU at GA Vet Specialists. Visiting hours are 3-5 and 7-9.

Thursday, May 3rd

It was the day after his surgery: partial maxillectomy (removal of part of his back upper jaw). The vet tech brought Kerby out in her arms and handed him to me. WOW .... I was not expecting him to look like this. I really didn't even KNOW what to expect. It kinda scared me.

I felt like a bad mom for thinking how gross & pitiful he looked. Shaved the entire side of his head and neck. His eye was really puffy and red and swollen. He had stitches on upper jaw (which need to be removed in 10-14 days). They said he hasn't eaten yet. He's on 2-3 pain killers + Clavimox for anti-biotics. My friend came with me to visit Kerby and thank goodness she did (highly suggested for your 1st visit, especially if you're queasy like me). She made me laugh, we took that funny picture of Kerby - his Billy Idol "Rebel Yell" look - lol! The vet brought in some food for me to try to feed him. Some cottage cheese and puree liver. I fed him with the stick, and he lapped it up. Then my friend took the food and Kerby decided he wanted to eat it out of her hand!! We cracked up b/c it didn't seem to bother her at all that this puree liver was in her hand. OK, maybe I need to suck it up and get used to that. haha. Kerby ate for us! Yeah! However, he was so darn drugged up, his little tongue was sticking out, he felt like a bag of sand, heavy and lifeless.

I went to visit him again at night. His nose was bleeding - to me it seemed like a lot - the vet said it's normal. I don't like blood. He ate his food again with me. Still majorly drugged looking and lifeless. His eye also looked worse, more swollen under the eye and even more red.

But that's just Day 1. He'll get better. He's a fighter.

They saved Kerby's eye!!!

Wednesday, May 2nd
I was a nervous wreck,waiting for 2 hours for the call from the surgeon. Being fairly impatient and persistent, I called to check in and got the surgeon on the phone.

"We are just finishing up with the surgery and Kerby is doing fine. We were able to save his eye!!!!" YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I screamed for all my colleagues to hear and they all cheered & applauded with me. Dr. Duval said she spoke with her friend who performs this surgery almost every day at Colorado State U who said that Kerby's eye probably didn't need to come out! HUH???????? Does this mean if I didn't press and ask questions and let the surgeon KNOW what a research hound I was and how I was speaking with almost every surgeon & oncologist in the country, she maybe wouldn't have asked her friend? Water under the bridge by now, however a lesson for everyone: research, ask questions, then more questions. Don't take the 1st diagnosis & recommended procedure as is.

I wasn't permitted to see Kerby on the day of his surgery. They want him to remain sedated and calm. Understood! He was doing well and they kept his eye! I was a very happy momma.

Another lesson: have faith, pray and ask others around you to pray, trust in God that it's His plan, do not worry (it doesn't change things), and honestly believe that God will not allow you to have too much you can't handle on your plate.

I got a text message from my Dad right after I proudly announced that Kerby's eye was saved and he was doing fine. It read, "That's the best news we heard since we got the o.k. to adopt you (37 years ago). Give him a hug from me & Mom." WOW! Imagine the magnitude of that statement? Comparing the feeling of adopting your infant baby girl to hearing your daughter's dog's eye was saved!!!!! Thank you Dad - I'll never forget that comment!

Daddy's boy - the night before the surgery

Thank you Daddy for coming to visit me on the night before my surgery. Mom told me she spoke with the surgeon again today and guess what? We really are gonna be okay. It may be rough & tough at times, but you know I'm a fighter. Without the surgery, I'll bleed a lot and won't be too happy and won't live very long. At least with the surgery, this ever-so-growing-everyday-massive "thing" in my mouth will come out and they'll know how to take care of me afterwards.

Mom said she was told today that the "18-24 months" time frame was for Oral Osteosarcoma in general. But she found out today, even more so, that it's a lot worse when the cancer is in my upper jaw AND when it's way back in my mouth. Could be 2 months, could be 5 years I stick around here. She said it's harder to get clear margins that way. I know Daddy, what's clear margins? I didn't know either but mommy 'splained it to me. Ya want the doc folks to cut out as much as they can AROUND my tumor to make sure they get ALL the cancer around the bad spots. We're not sure that can happen since my tumor is way back in my mouth on the inside of my tooth close to my brain. But hey, the surgeon says the tumor probably WON'T grow towards the brain b/c tumors usually take the least path of resistance and it's gonna be tough to get thru this skull 'o mine to my brain. So that's a good thing.

Mommy said the surgeon also said that we may need to do both radiation AND chemo. WOW. She wasn't expecting to hear that one today. Radiation to clean & clear up the local area where they may not get all the cancer. And chemo to keep the cancer from spreadin' elsewhere. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

Anyway, Daddy, just wanted to say thanks again for seeing me tonight. Felt like 'ole times. I held the ball in my mouth and tried to get you to grab it; I jumped all over you like I was playin' on a jungle gym once again; you made me dance to those funny American Idols singing Bon Jovi songs (yeah, Daddy, I also like Phil, and Lakisha. Even though mommy doesn't like Blake, he did good tonight). Thanks Daddy for helping me when there was blood, once again, all over my toy. Thank you for taking that away from Mommy having to deal with 2 nights in a row. She's tired and scared and doesn't like blood at all. Oh, and thank you MOST of all Daddy for giving me extra food for dinner (mommy never does that :-).

So, I'm gonna go cuddle up with Mommy again tonight and have sweet dreams and think of good things to come in the next few days. I know that you, mommy, my friends, my family, and of course God are looking after me. I love you all and thanks for praying for me. Let's Roll. We're off to Georgia Vet Specialists in the morning!