Reality Bites

i walked into PetSmart and there they were. all the bones, chewies, toys and balls. it hit me hard. my Kerby may not enjoy any of his life's pleasures anymore. he sure isn't enjoying any of them now. as you may know, Kerby has bone cancer in the jaw and his upper back jaw was removed on May 2. he's in the middle of his 6 chemo treatments. and he's not himself anymore.

while he is alive, yes i am thankful for that, he is going downhill and i am doing my best to accept that. when i look at Kerby now, i'm sad. he is lifeless. he mainly just lays around. he doesn't pick up his toys anymore. he's not crazy about just any treat; he needs the really small soft ones. it takes him forever to eat his food. he stares with a blank expression over his beautiful big brown eyes. he cries out if there's a toy in his mouth as if it hurts him. he cries out when i come home, appearing as if his mouth hurts him. he is favoring the spot where his jaw was removed. it's just sad. i know my baby will pass away one day and walk over the rainbow bridge but i just wish it weren't soon.

i'm not ready to let you go Kerbs.who will i come home to? who will sit next to me when i watch tv? who will spoon with me? who will love me as much as he does? who will commit to me for the 10+ years that he has? who will i hold when i cry? who will i care about? who will care about me? who will i love like this again?

yes, i will be sad and lonely when Kerby is gone. i already am, and you're still here .....