Oh Baby ....

.... baby food that is. Such is the life of a caring, loving pet owner who is doing everything she can stand to do to help her dog live a pain and cancer free life. What a freakin roller coaster ride this is. Every single darn day. Up: he ate a few kibbles. Down: he vomited water & blood. Yeah this is my life, the life chosen for me at this point. The life I have to accept. I love Kerby with all my heart and I just hope that all I am doing for him will buy him some more quality time.

And that's the question: Quality time. What is that? Everyone asks me these days: have you thought about sparing him, easing him, letting him go, ending his suffering. I honestly believe that if I truly thought Kerby was "suffering" and there are no further options, then the answer is a yes, for sure. I think I know when that time will come. I saw it a few weeks ago when his tumor grew back and he was bleeding. Option at that time? Remove the tumor and do the last known chemo. Now, at this point, if the tumor grows back, and cries in pain again, that will be my decision.

As for now, today specifically, he vomited water & blood this morning. Didn't eat his food or his peanut butter w/ his pain meds snuck in there. I called the vet, they said to try baby food. Between that call and me getting back home, a few cocktails of my own were in order. This shit ain't easy folks. So, looks like Kerby enjoyed his Beech Nut Chicken & Rice baby food, Stage 2 for less than 6 month olds. UGH!!!!!!!!!!! Who would have thunk it? I never imagined.

I only hope and pray that this is all just temporary. It's the chemo effecting him. His belly hurts and the fluids from the chemo are seeping out all the time. This will pass. I will come home from China in a few weeks and Kerby will be half way done with his new rounds of chemo. He'll be fine. And so will his mommy.