when people are cremated, at least in the movies, you see their ashes sprayed over the ocean or mountains and it's a breezy clear day. you envision the ashes to be like those of cigarettes: dark in color, not heavy. well, i "picked up" Kerby today. man how freakin' morbid was THAT phone call the other day:
"This is so-and-so from the animal hospital .....". I actually had a brain freeze at that very moment. I was confused. I didn't know which of the 2 animal hospitals that Kerby visited the call was coming from. I was almost shocked to even getting a call anymore from the vet. It was a very weird feeling to not have Kerby around/alive ..... and still get a call from his vet. I even remember back in August when I got a call from Kerby's groomer; they reminded me that Kerby's due for a wash & cut. Even at that time, in August, I asked PetSmart to please remove me from your list because I wouldn't want to "get a call after Kerby is gone" reminding me that Kerby needs to be groomed. yeah .... morbid. Anyway .....
I "picked up" my baby today. I expected "the ashes". Not to be graphic here, but I opened the pretty little tin box and inside there was a clear "baggy" containing what looked like chopped up bones. SHIT! Little white bones. Almost like ground up seashells on a beach. I lost it right there in the parking lot. I can't believe Kerby is in THIS FREAKIN' BOX!!! Maybe I was surprised to not see dark cigarette ashes. More so, I just wasn't expecting to see "pieces". Holy shit. I want to have that box sealed SHUT so I never open it again. 11 days ago I was holding my son in my arms. Kissing his face, his head, stroking his hair, squeezing his paws, and whispering sweet nothings in his ear. And now he's ground up. I miss Kerby so darn much! It was strange having a birthday last week .... and not getting a "Happy Birthday MOM" card from Kerby ..... it was my 1st birthday in 11 years Kerby didn't get me a card ...
The cool thing, however, that I liked getting, was Kerby's paw print in ceramic. The vet wrote "Kerby, 1994-2007" and it's on a little round ceramic plate. That's cute. And i even looked real close at it and some of Kerby's white hair is "stuck" in the cement. That made me smile.
I have received so many sympathy cards this week from friends, co-workers, and my fellow bone cancer dog owners. Thanks to all who cared so much about my boy. He surely touched EVERYONE'S lives who knew him .... no doubt he was a unique little grouchy guy.
Hang in there Kerbs ..... I'll see you again soon and I'll bring your football and stuffed monkey toys, and a tennis ball that you can keep in your mouth all the time while growling at your buddies with love :-)
Rest in peace my love. Rest in peace .... you are pain-free now and going for long runs again. By the way, Monkey and Daddy really really miss you too!!
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9 comments:
Dear Kerri, I'm so sorry to read about Kerby's death. He was very fortunate to have a Mommy like you. This is the first I've read any of your posts, my heart aches for you. I have a chocolate lab, COCO, and she's my $6,000 baby! When she was 2 she began limping...long story short she needed 2 TPLO on each knee. It broke my heart to see her in pain. I can't imagine what you have gone through. Have you heard of the rainbow bridge? Google it, I hope it makes you feel better. God bless you and Kerby's spirit. Sincerely, Estelle
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Dear Kerry, I am so very sorry for your loss of Kerby. I know that it has been a couple of years now, but I am sure Kerby is never far from your heart. I just recently lost my own Bear from osteosarcoma maxilla nearing his right orbit in June 2011, and the pictures are almost identical. Our stories are similar. I miss Bear so very much...
Hugs,
Lauren
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Thank you for sharing your and Kerby's story in such an open and honest way. My own canine companion was diagnosed with OSA maxilla this month. Your blog is helping me to know what may lie ahead for us and helps me to be more at ease and able to there for him. I'm sorry for your loss.
I just wanted to thank you Kerri for your blog about Kerby. My beloved 10 year old Rhodesian ridgeback Rex has been diagnosed with maxillary osteosarcoma this past November. His tumour is almost exactly like Kerby's, on the same side and pushing his eye upward out its place. Your blog has been a tremendous help in finding the information about this type of cancer and what to expect in the nearest future. it takes time to heal from the experience like this. How are you doing today? Did you ever get another dog?
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