End stages (caution: graphic photos!!)

i haven't written in a month because i have been afraid. i am afraid of my feelings and letting them go. also, there have been so many ups and downs with Kerby. i'm cautious about getting so excited seeing him wag his tail, give me kisses, eat all his food, not bleed. but then there are times like now ..... now scares me real bad. i feel the end is near. but i've said that before and kerby stunned me; shocked all of us actually at his tenaciousness to live and love living. but now is different. i just read this comment on the internet:

How will I know when?
If your pet can no longer experience the things it once enjoyed, cannot respond to you in its usual ways, or appears to be experiencing more pain than pleasure, you may need to consider euthanasia.

kerby had a very bad week ... his worst. the scabs on his oral tumor fell off, exposing his golf-ball size tumor. it was raw. it didn't stop bleeding for an entire DAY. all over the house. the tumor is growing so large, it's protruding his eye so far into his head that his eye is "in the back of his head" and red and full of puss. he has pooped in the house every day, and it's very soft poop. and i just noticed he is "bleeding diarrhea". that is what is most scary. the blood. bloody diarrhea cannot be a good thing obviously. also, kerby's back legs are starting to get weak. he does not like to walk outside anymore. and when he does walk, he is VERY slow. very slow. like he doesn't want to walk.

but i remember my vet saying that as long as kerby is eating well, he is okay. when he stops eating, then "it's time". i'm torn. kerby is eating his food and taking his meds very well.

i'm asked all the time: is kerby in pain?? i'm not really sure. i associate him being in pain perhaps with him "yelping or crying". and since he doesn't do that, i assume he's not in pain.

then again, should i assume that since he's walking so slowly, his eye is looking "backwards", his tumor is literally a golf-ball and his poop is bloody .... that he is in pain?

God, I wish I knew. I've also been told that "Kerby will let me know". I suppose that is the case. In the meantime, I continue to love him, care for him, and make him as comfy as possible.

For the record, Kerby's current meds are (he's 18 lbs):
Prednisone: 20 mg/day
Tramadol: 100 mg/day (i just increased this from 50 mg/day)
Green Tea extract + Grape Seed extract (anti-oxidants)
Genetian Violet topical solution (which stains purple)
Campho-phenique
and he eats soft/canned Pedigree food.
oh, can't forget his sugar-free vanilla ice cream every night too!