i walked into PetSmart and there they were. all the bones, chewies, toys and balls. it hit me hard. my Kerby may not enjoy any of his life's pleasures anymore. he sure isn't enjoying any of them now. as you may know, Kerby has bone cancer in the jaw and his upper back jaw was removed on May 2. he's in the middle of his 6 chemo treatments. and he's not himself anymore.
while he is alive, yes i am thankful for that, he is going downhill and i am doing my best to accept that. when i look at Kerby now, i'm sad. he is lifeless. he mainly just lays around. he doesn't pick up his toys anymore. he's not crazy about just any treat; he needs the really small soft ones. it takes him forever to eat his food. he stares with a blank expression over his beautiful big brown eyes. he cries out if there's a toy in his mouth as if it hurts him. he cries out when i come home, appearing as if his mouth hurts him. he is favoring the spot where his jaw was removed. it's just sad. i know my baby will pass away one day and walk over the rainbow bridge but i just wish it weren't soon.
i'm not ready to let you go Kerbs.who will i come home to? who will sit next to me when i watch tv? who will spoon with me? who will love me as much as he does? who will commit to me for the 10+ years that he has? who will i hold when i cry? who will i care about? who will care about me? who will i love like this again?
yes, i will be sad and lonely when Kerby is gone. i already am, and you're still here .....
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Hangin' in there
Thursday, June 21st
Kerby's 2nd chemo treatment of Adriamycin was June 5th and he has not had one adverse side effect at all. YIPPIE!! I gave him over-the-counter Pepcid AC 3 days prior to the chemo shot and 3 days after. In addition to the Pepcid, the oncologist gave me a prescription of Metronidazole which is an anti-nausea medicine. I gave Kerby 1/4 pill for 1 week after the chemo. No vomiting, no diarrhea, no nausea, no loss of appetite. OK, the only minor change was his "attitude". Kerby was depressed looking, sad, lethargic and tired. I mean, he had poison injected into his little body and I hear this is a relatively "normal" reaction even in people. So there ya have it. Kerby's update. He's been with his dad for the past week while I was recovering from surgery ... I didn't want Kerbs jumping on me plus I wasn't able to walk him. I hear Kerby is "fattening up" a bit which is excellent and what he needs - he needs his strength to endure the next 4 chemo shots.
Can't wait to see my little man in a few days!
Kerby's 2nd chemo treatment of Adriamycin was June 5th and he has not had one adverse side effect at all. YIPPIE!! I gave him over-the-counter Pepcid AC 3 days prior to the chemo shot and 3 days after. In addition to the Pepcid, the oncologist gave me a prescription of Metronidazole which is an anti-nausea medicine. I gave Kerby 1/4 pill for 1 week after the chemo. No vomiting, no diarrhea, no nausea, no loss of appetite. OK, the only minor change was his "attitude". Kerby was depressed looking, sad, lethargic and tired. I mean, he had poison injected into his little body and I hear this is a relatively "normal" reaction even in people. So there ya have it. Kerby's update. He's been with his dad for the past week while I was recovering from surgery ... I didn't want Kerbs jumping on me plus I wasn't able to walk him. I hear Kerby is "fattening up" a bit which is excellent and what he needs - he needs his strength to endure the next 4 chemo shots.
Can't wait to see my little man in a few days!
Monday, June 4, 2007
Turning the corner?
Monday, June 4th
I think Kerby may have taken a small turn around the corner. He doesn't appear to be "incredible" anymore. He seems depressed, lethargic. I refrained from giving him any toys b/c I didn't want anything in his mouth during recovery. So this weekend, noticing his sadness, I gave him some toys and he wouldn't care to play with them. Now THAT is a HUGE deal with Kerbs. But what is MOST bothersome to me is the bad odor coming from his mouth again. This is how we detected his tumor in the 1st place. I am wondering if something is growing back in his mouth again.
I had Kerby scheduled to get his 2nd chemo treatment on June 6 but I have decided to get him in to see the oncologist asap. He goes in tomorrow morning for his 2nd chemo and to have his mouth examined. I read that his next treatment (Adriamycin) will most likely cause vomiting. I was given the ok to give Kerby over-the-counter Pepcid AC 1x/day, starting 3 days before his treatment and then 3 days after to help reduce/avoid nausea. We shall see how he does .... paws crossed!
I am emotionally spent from so many major situations going on in my life. I was hoping that Kerby was on his way to getting better - and he may well be - but this is just so darn taxing on my heart. It's tough. I wonder how long I have the fight in me. I wonder how long Kerby has the fight in him. It's all in God's hands ... I know that.
I think Kerby may have taken a small turn around the corner. He doesn't appear to be "incredible" anymore. He seems depressed, lethargic. I refrained from giving him any toys b/c I didn't want anything in his mouth during recovery. So this weekend, noticing his sadness, I gave him some toys and he wouldn't care to play with them. Now THAT is a HUGE deal with Kerbs. But what is MOST bothersome to me is the bad odor coming from his mouth again. This is how we detected his tumor in the 1st place. I am wondering if something is growing back in his mouth again.
I had Kerby scheduled to get his 2nd chemo treatment on June 6 but I have decided to get him in to see the oncologist asap. He goes in tomorrow morning for his 2nd chemo and to have his mouth examined. I read that his next treatment (Adriamycin) will most likely cause vomiting. I was given the ok to give Kerby over-the-counter Pepcid AC 1x/day, starting 3 days before his treatment and then 3 days after to help reduce/avoid nausea. We shall see how he does .... paws crossed!
I am emotionally spent from so many major situations going on in my life. I was hoping that Kerby was on his way to getting better - and he may well be - but this is just so darn taxing on my heart. It's tough. I wonder how long I have the fight in me. I wonder how long Kerby has the fight in him. It's all in God's hands ... I know that.
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